Tag: self care

Hungry Angry Lonely Tired.

Being hungry, angry, lonely and tired are four ‘risk states’ that affect our wellbeing.

I first came across this many years ago and it is one of the tools that has enabled me to be successful in my recovery – 21 years completely clean, 22 from alcohol, with no relapses.

Often when we have distressing or uncomfortable feelings, we may reach for alcohol or other substances, we may become angry and act aggressively towards people, overeat, shop or engage in other self-harming behaviours to manage these feelings. And this leads us ultimately to more disharmony.

And so, any time you experience feelings which make you feel vulnerable or unsafe, think HALT. and if you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired sort it out before you act out on those distressing thoughts/feelings.

Hungry

Having negative thoughts, low mood or anxious? Have you eaten anything?

If not then eat something before you act on those thoughts and then see how you feel after. 

We all know that when you’re hungry your mind just isn’t right and how eating a good meal can really increase feelings of wellbeing. When your blood sugar level drops, stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline are released. There’s tons of evidence out there that shows how hunger can negatively affect your mood. It should be noted though, that for many it’s not as simple as ‘just eat something’. For example, if you are experiencing anxiety or depression you may not feel like eating even if you haven’t eaten for some time. Some medications such as antidepressants can also affect your appetite and make you feel more or less hungry. And those with disordered eating and problem relationships around food have further barriers to face. In a recent poll by Yfoods 86 percent of office workers admitted to skipping breakfast for sugary snacks  and a newly released YouGov poll shows that 14% of all Britons had to skip meals in the last 12 months because they could not afford to eat, – and one in nine Britons (11%) had to skip a meal in the three months prior to the survey. Among working Britons these figures are similar, at 17% and 13% respectively.

ANGRY

Are you angry and if so what about? 

Anger is there to tell us we need to take action to put something right, so use the strength and energy that anger gives you to resolve it.

Identify your triggers: what’s causing your anger, what steps can you take and can you avoid or respond differently to them?.

Can you calmly and assertively communicate your feelings instead of bottling things up?

If you have distressing thoughts or feelings the only way to get them out of your head is to talk about them or write them down, so speak to someone and/or write it down.

Be kind to yourself, know that you need space and time and try to not be self critical.

Do some exercise, leave the room and go for a walk and try to practise some regular physical activity.  Get a pillow and punch the hell out of it, go to a quiet room and scream for a minute or two, whatever works for you, but get it out.

LONELY

Social isolation shares the same neurological pathway as physical pain

Loneliness is painful.

And let’s be clear you can be in a room full of people all day every day, have a loving family/friends and still feel lonely.

Social isolation, exclusion, and loss are some of the most “painful” things that we experience (see my blog on loneliness here) and the threats of social disconnection are processed by some of the same neural structures that process basic threats to survival.

There is literally an overlap in the neural circuitry responsible for both physical and emotional pain. Because of this many of us will go to great lengths to avoid situations that may bring about experiences of social isolation and in doing so actually increase social isolation.

Find someone to talk to, connect with people. You don’t have to be suicidal to call samaritans and if you don’t feel like talking there are excellent TXT services like SHOUT.

TIRED?

Try counselling. It can help if you have been experiencing difficulties emotionally, psychologically or socially, give it a try.

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

Many of us don’t get enough sleep because of children, work commitments, noisy environments such as loud neighbours or street noise and poor mattresses etc etc. But there are some things you can do to improve your sleep hygiene such as creating healthy bedtime routines such as meditation before bedtime and putting a curfew on electronic devices, sugar and caffeine. In the short term you can throw a blanket over your head and take 30 minutes on the sofa or listen to a guided relaxations suchs as a yoga nidra specially designed to help you sleep.

A few minutes rest can be enough to recharge and give you a different perspective.

Then see if you still have these uncomfortable feelings or urges to use substances/alcohol.

So if you’re one, a combination of or all of these things, sort it out before you act out on distressing feelings and you may well find out these feelings have passed once you do.

Download my PDF format H.A.L.T. poster and share with friends/family/colleagues or put it up in your home and/or place of work

Who’s wellbeing comes first?
Is it yours, your clients, your family or friends?

Most of us have heard the oxygen mask analogy – put your own mask on first or you can’t effectively help others. But, in reality is it that easy? For many of us it’s not.

My parents grew up in the second world war. I grew up very much in a family with a stiff upper lip, dust yourself off and get on with it attitude. I’m not criticizing this. It was how my parents dealt with the massive amount of trauma they, their parents and grandparents faced. Often with no support whatsoever.

And so I have had to learn self care and I’m happy to say that nowadays I have excellent self care skills. I’ve developed these strategies through years of struggling with my own mental and physical health. I’ve learnt these from various treatment programs, both NHS and private. From self study, formal education, peer support, and by somehow finding the discipline to put these things into regular practice. Self care is often a case of trial and error, finding out what works and what doesn’t work for you.

Self care differs from person to person and changes over time. The more you practice self care the more tools you have. So when one strategy doesn’t work, you automatically reach for another one without even thinking.

Even though I know that I have to put my mask on, the reality is that I will always put the needs of my wife and kids first and give myself just enough to get by. Saying that though, I still think I’m a lot better than most at putting self care into practice.

Some barriers to self care

Gender: (yes I’m generalising here)
There can sometimes be a blokey, macho, too hard or too cool to look after myself, man thing. Personally, I’ve always felt blessed that I have never felt self conscious walking into a yoga class full of women or being able to receive a massage.

A woman’s role is often seen as that of the caregiver. Always looking after everyone else and making sure others needs are met, whilst their own are not.

Structural barriers:
Self care can be expensive. It can be time consuming. So there are also financial barriers which make self care much more difficult for some than others. If you are working multiple jobs, all zero hour contracts with no sick or holiday pay, and still not able to meet your financial obligations, how can you justify the expense of going for a swim, getting your hair cut or some time off work?

Diet:
I had a conversation with someone the other day who said they don’t buy it that it’s cheaper to buy junk food than healthy food, as you can get really cheap fresh food from Aldi, Lidl and market stalls. I gently reminded them that may be true, but you have to be in the right frame of mind to be able to prepare fresh ingredients and cook them. When you’re not feeling your best, sometimes you don’t have the energy, or maybe even feel you’re worth the effort of cooking yourself a home cooked meal for. Even just living alone, sometimes is enough to make cooking a mental challenge. It’s just much quicker and easier to pop something in the microwave or get something delivered.

Culture/Community:
Looking after yourself can also be affected by those around you. If, for example, your partner does not look after themselves and you want to, they might feel that you’re being self indulgent or you might feel guilt yourself. Adopting a healthy diet may be made that much harder if you’re living with someone who just wants to eat junk food. Imagine then how much harder it would be if you want to quit alcohol or drugs and you’re around people who are always using.

Deanna Zandt has written an excellent piece on “The Complexities of Self Care“. She does an excellent job of breaking this down into:

• Self soothing – activities which provide comfort/distraction in difficult times.
• Self-care – activities that help you find meaning, and that support your growth & groundedness
• Community care – workarounds for systems that don’t inherently support care (i.e. capitalism!)
• Structural care – systems that support community care, self-care AND self-soothing

It’s clear that self care is not as simple as it sounds. And more often than not, we need a fair amount of help in order to do this.

To quote Deanna,

“No single person can do all the kinds of care that are needed all the time; we each can play a role in supporting each other in different ways, though. Now, go forth and care for each other — and yourself.“